


why couldn't we have stayed?

by asphodellae



Series: we used to be "us," but now what? [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, I'm Sorry, Letters, M/M, POV Sakusa Kiyoomi, Post-Break Up, Sakusa Kiyoomi grabbed author by the collar, and demanded a reply letter be written, author is being held hostage by sakuatsu, like Yahaba in that one episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27709598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphodellae/pseuds/asphodellae
Summary: AtsumuMiya,You looked at me, I looked at you, and we both knew. That was how we fell in love. I didn't expect us to fall apart the same way.Sincerely,Sakusa
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: we used to be "us," but now what? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026649
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	why couldn't we have stayed?

**Author's Note:**

> i take the concept of messy break-ups with no closure and sakuatsu and mix them in my little cauldron of sadness

~~Atsumu~~ Miya,

How dare you.

_You don’t know why I left you?_

You were already _gone._

I heard you in the kitchen at two in the morning, talking to Osamu about breaking it off with me. You said you weren’t sure if our relationship was the right decision for you anymore. I didn’t want to hear anything after that. I slept in the guest room that night and cried myself to sleep. I hate you for making me feel that way.

~~I don’t hate you~~

You hurt me that night, so I distanced myself from you. I couldn’t bear to see your face when I knew that the inevitable was coming. It was like we had already broken up. We never did need words, really.

You looked at me, I looked at you, and we both knew. That was how we fell in love. I didn’t expect us to fall apart the same way.

I got my heart stomped on not even a week after this incident by something you said “as a joke.” I don’t remember what you said, and I don’t want to remember, but I remember how it made me feel.

It was as if the past year never happened. As if you never loved me in the first place.

I looked at you with all the hurt in my eyes I could conjure, and you apologized—of course, you did, because as much of an asshole as you are, you don’t mean to hurt like that on purpose. You never do. I hate that I love that about you. But all I had the strength to do at that moment was stare out the window like a stone because I wasn’t sure anymore. How could you have meant your apology when you let poison slip from your mouth so easily in the same breath?

Because I was lied to.  
I was _lied_ to. 

Nearly a year of trust, shattered like my mother’s porcelain figurines after an earthquake, and my heart did the same in silence. I was a child, watching a storm from the safety of my room with the anxiety of knowing the trees that surrounded my home bent and bowed with audible groans. You were already gone. You made it so clear at that moment. Every second I spent in your presence after hearing what you’d said made me want to set myself on fire.

Not because of any anger directed toward you, Miya. No. Because of the anger and disappointment in myself.

Because how could I have done this? Why did I think a relationship would go well for me? How could I have fooled myself into being vulnerable? When did I become so foolish? Why did I let myself fall in love?

Because look at where I’ve unfortunately found myself, and I hate that I’m here: Bored and alone, every bridge I had ever built now condemned, as I made them when I had you, and felt safe and comfortable doing so. I don’t want to look in the mirror anymore, for I hate that the person I see in its reflection could let someone pull the rug out from under him so harshly. 

So that’s why I left. If you really want to know where I’ve gone, you know who to talk to. If you don’t, you’ll find a way eventually. That’s just who you are. I’m still playing volleyball, by the way. That’s just who _I_ am as well. It's my safe space. You cannot take that away from me.

 ~~Yours,~~  
Sincerely,

Sakusa

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! (I hurt myself writing this! Every time I think, I take ten damage.)
> 
> I turned the breakup letters into a series! Sakusa wouldn't leave me alone for weeks, demanding that he be given a chance to reply. He came after me in my dreams, dear readers. It was horrifying. I woke up in a cold sweat. All jokes aside, I genuinely didn't plan for a second installment after Miya's post-breakup letter. They write themselves. I am just as on the edge of my seat as all of you are right now.
> 
> Anyway, do you think they deserve closure? Should I let them have reconciliation? Should they give each other another chance? Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Come scream about SakuAtsu with me on twitter! ([@ASPHODELLAE](https://twitter.com/ASPHODELLAE))


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